To Kidnap a Pony
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: A crazed villain has kidnapped the mane 6 as filly's! Is it discord? Tirek? Crysalis? Worse, a pony-obsessed little girl! After years of being brainwashed can the pony's readjust to life in this strange new world and find their way home? ...who knows?
1. Chapter 1

**To Kidnap a Pony**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...

...

Twilight Sparkle snuggled with her Smarty pants doll happily on her bed, today had been great! She'd gotten her cutie mark AND become Celestia's personal student, THIS WAS THE BEST DAY EVER!

Cue the interdimensional, giant claw reaching from the void to snatch her...

"I TAKE THAT BACK! WORST DAY EVER! WORST DAY EVER" She screamed...

...Meanwhile...

"Big Mac! Granny! Help me!" Screamed a frightened filly named Applejack as she was 'snatched' from her farm...

...

"MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT I DIDN'T MAKE THOSE CLOTHES FOR THE SCHOOL PLAY IN TIME!" Screamed a filly named Rarity...

...

Fluttershy said nothing...she'd already fainted dead away at the sight of the claw...

...

"HA! EAT IT SLOWPOKES! NOTHING IS FASTER THEN ME!" Shouts Rainbow Dash as she out flies dozens of claws popping out of cracks in the sky trying to grab her. Rainbow laughs as she turns around to let out a large razzberry at them-

 **GAH!**

Only to run right into another claw...

"Aw, man!" Shouts Rainbow annoyed as she's snatched away.

...

Pinkie sighed, "Alright, if it means moving the plot along..." She said reluctantly to a confused claw right before she jumped into the rip willingly...

The claw scratched itself confused...shrugged...and retracted itself...it's work apparently done...

...

The six fillies shivered in fright inside the cage, 'Where were they? Why were they here? When could they go home? And WHAT was this odd creature standing before them?'

Said creature laughed, "FINALLY! I have ponies to be my friends! Were gonna be like sisters! And we'll be together forever!"

"Mable what are you doing down here?"

An 8 year old Mable Pines turned to her twin brother Dipper as he descended the basement stairs, "Mable did you take that magic book I bought from the new weird store that naturally vanished after I took my eyes off it? I told you not to mess with it until-

His eyes took in the scene before him...and he groaned as he face-palmed, "Mable...why are their colorful, mythological creatures locked in a cage in our basement?" He asked in a weary yet resigned voice.

Mable chuckled nervously, "Uh...were having a slumber party?" She lied lamely.

"NO WE'RE NOT! HELP US! SHE KIDNAPPED US!" Screamed Twilight, and the other ponies shouted as well.

Dipper just glared at a sweating Mable, "Riiiiight...I'm going to tell mom and dad on you now." He says as he turns around to walk back up the stairs-

 **BANG!**

And receives a frying pan to the head for his troubles...

...

Dipper sighed through the gag as his tied up body is thrown into the cage along with the fillies, "Why in the hay did you do that!? He's your kin!" Shouts Applejack horrified

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I'm not the bad guy here! I've summoned cute pony friends. And you WILL be my friends! It WILL be forever! We WILL drink tea together! We will gossip about Boys! We WILL braid each others hair! AND IT'S GOING TO BE EVERY BIT AS AWESOME AS I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED IT WOULD!"

Screamed the clearly unhinged Mable...

She runs upstairs...desperately trying to think of a way to explain away Dipper's disappearance until he accepts her friendship...

Dipper sighed as Twilight took off his gag, "I'm sorry about all this...she's gone off the deep end before...but never like this." There was a long awkward pause...

"Sooooooo...considering that were probably going to be here awhile...mind if I ask you a bazilion questions about your species?" Asks Twilight inquisitively.

Dipper smirks, "Only if you'll allow me to do likewise...

...Meanwhile...

Mable paled when her parents asked where Dipper was... "Uh...he died?" She lied lamely...thankfully they still bought it...but she still needed to do something to get those ponies to accept her friendship! She didn't think this be so hard! In All the children books and songs she'd memorized by heart...once the pony came into the young maidens life...they were supposed to become besties right away! ...Maybe she did the ritual wrong?

She looked through the spell book again...and then saw a spell called: 'Memory Remix'. Mable frowned at this...but her love- (cough) obsession (cough) - of all things pony won out over her ethics...

"Okay...I'll tweak their memory's for a couple of weeks...just enough for them to be happy...that's not so horrible." She rationalized to herself...

...4 years later...

The Pines house... was surrounded by police, neighbors, and news choppers.

"Today this quiet piece of suburban Piedmont Oregon was shaken as 6 mythological, TALKING pony-like people were rescued from an underground apocalypse cult allegedly run by self-proclaimed Messiah 'Reverend' Mable Pines. Best know to locals in this area as the 'Crazy she-witch with the ugly sweater'. Oh, I'm also told that her brother was also rescued from her clutches...but who cares? I am now joined by a neighbor who watched all the drama unfold. A Mr. Walter Bankston." She puts her mic under his mouth. "Mr. Bankston?"

...( **Unbreakable - Kimmy Schmidt parody music starts to play)...  
**

 **I was outside cuttin up bike tires with my grandson**  
 **When out of nowhere**  
 **Forty hundred police vehicles came bookin**

 **They went, busted up in that weird and creepy white girl's house**  
 **She had a cult up in there!**  
 **White girls hold the record for creepy crimes**  
 **But ponies are as strong as hell**

 **Unbreakable!**  
 **They alive, dammit!**  
 **It's a miracle**  
 **Unbreakable!**  
 **They alive, dammit!**  
 **Ponies are strong as hell**  
 **Unbreakable!**  
 **They alive, dammit!**  
 **It's a miracle**  
 **Unbreakable!**  
 **They alive, dammit!**  
 **But ponies are strong as hell**

 **We've been living here ten years**  
 **Nobody seen no pony**  
 **Nobody heard no pony**  
 **Nobody smell no pony**

 **She had them underground**  
 **They come out their hole**  
 **Looked around**  
 **Like a bunch of Punxsutawney Phils**  
 **And I said Nathan is this for reals?**

 **1, 2, 3, 4 ponies come up**  
 **1, 2, 3, 4 ponies come up**

 **Unbreakable**  
 **They alive, damn it**  
 **It's a miracle**  
 **Unbreakable**  
 **They alive, damn it**  
 **But ponies are strong as hell**

 **Unbreakable**  
 **They alive, damn it**  
 **It's a miracle**  
 **Unbreakable**  
 **They alive, damn it**  
 **Hey!**

 **That's gonna be, uh... you know, a... fascinating transition**  
 **Damn it!**

...

Everyone looks around at the strange music and choreography that came out of nowhere. "Ooookay, that just happened." Said the reporter, she quickly composed herself as she turned back to the camera while listening to her earpiece. "Right...I've just been told we have more details...first of all I'm being told by my lawyer to apologize toward the scathing remark made toward the male Pines sibling earlier, it was uncalled for...more importantly it seems that said young male is actually the hero of this."

Scene breaks to Dipper helping rescue workers put blankets over ponies as their helped out and given hot coco while reporter continues with a voiceover: "Having apparently learned over his sisters scheme at a young age, Dipper was held underground as well. His sister then lied of his death. Her attempts to brainwash him somehow failed, and he bidded his time to earn her trust."

"When the time was right, he reversed the brainwashing on the ponies and together they attempted to overpower Mable. Despite being outnumberd, the clearly disturbed and violent pre-teen girl was able to hold her own. Fortunately, the ensuing conflict was loud enough to alert neighbors who in turn alerted local law enforcement. The ensuing standoff, lasted for several hours, and several SWAT members sent to intensive care before Mable was finally brought down by her brother with a frying pan."

Scene cut to Mable being brutally beaten up by cops and their billy clubs, "Although a trial is still pending, it looks like an unanimous guilty verdict is to be reached...her parents have had their custody of both children revoked due to their negligence and inability to handle the situation before it escalated. They have already fled the country in shame and could not be reached for a comment."

Once more the scene shifts toward the ponies being slowly helped onto an ambulance.

"As for the ponies themselves; who they are and where they come from is still under investigation... Back to you Tim."...

...…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: The song is Unbreakable by Kimmy Schmidt parody  
**

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Publish a chapter of my 'Shake up the Falls' Challenge before anyone else and I'll update the next chapter this plus two other stories!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **AN: I am rewriting this story and continuing it in 'Tales of the falls'(it'll be easier to keep track of)  
**

 **As for the rate of updating; that depends on real life, inspiration, will of my lord and savior Jesus Christ...and bribing me with 'Shake up the falls chapters.**

 **Yes, for every ONE chapter of my 'Tales of the Falls' challenge you make, I'll have THREE stories of YOUR choosing updated.**

 **...as long as they follow the requirement below:**

 **SHAKE UP THE FALLS: CHALLENGE!**

 **Primary Objective:**

 **Tired of fanfictions just copying cannon and not doing anything really different? Well, I am!**

 **So I say we do a 'deconstruction' of Dipper and Mabels 'sibling bond'! Through the following-**

 **(BEGIN FLASH-FORWARD)**

 ** _A forty-something year old Dipper enters his parents house and takes off his fast-food uniform with a sigh as he looks down at his meager paycheck._**

 ** _A forty-something Mabel (wearing a crazy sweater and surrounded by dozens of cats); looks up._**

 **" _Hey Dipping sauce! Guess what!? I made a 50 ft butterfly made of comics...which I then set ablaze! I'm still the goddess of destruction!...also the police are here again to fine us for burning stuff without a permit...also for unintended arson damage to the neighbors house"_**

 **" _Wait, what!?" Shouts Dipper just as a policeman steps out of the shadows and snatches up Dipper's paycheck._**

 **" _Ah, come on man! I worked overtime the whole week at the drive-through to earn that!" Shouts Dipper. But the Officer had already left._**

 ** _Dipper feels a drop of water on his head...the ceiling was leaking..._**

 **" _I also created a new water slide for Waddles!"_**

 ** _CRASH!_**

 ** _The ceiling gives way as a giant hog crashes down and breaks the floor; water soaking everything!_**

 ** _The cats scatter in panic; breaking various household objects as they do so._**

 ** _Mabel laughs at this. "Ah, they're cute when their crazy!" She shouts as she takes a picture of them._**

 ** _Dipper sighs as he goes to check the emergency fund...only to find it empty..._**

 **" _Hey Dipping sauce! Can we have Pizza tonight!? Duck-tective will be on!" Shouts the ever cheerful yet oblivious Mabel._**

 ** _Dipper just hangs his head...and cries..._**

 ** _(FLASH-FORWARD END)_**

 **What I just showed you was a peek into a future after Gravity falls, where Mabel no longer needs to fear growing up...because she doesn't have to! Why would she need to when she has a pushover brother who is willing to sacrifice everything: never getting married, never being independent, never having a life of his own to make her happy?!(in other words: An Enabler/Co-dependent relationship)  
**

 **You can give this vision to whoever you want: Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, Pacifica, Stan, Ford, Soos, etc- You can have it sent to them at any time in the series, or have them sent back in time, or do a Peggy Sue! And have them use this knowledge to shatter cannon!**

 **Also Bill Cipher's threat needs to be taken more seriously!(I'm talking actual full-on Armageddon preparation after his first appearance!) And they need to take Gideon seriously when he sends the creepy letters and hosts his TV show(You don't have to kill him, but the Pines Family have to at least Neutralize him...or make some kind preparation to fight him when he breaks out). EXAMPLE: Mable is forced to take Dipper more seriously and not mess with him to survive or The realization that she and her loved one's might die at the end of the summer make Wendy not so hung up on the whole 'age gap' with Dipper and goes out with him.  
**

 **Also, the hero's need to be proactive! When Gideon starts sending creepy letters and making television broadcasts, they need to take care of him(kill or neutralize; either works). All that matters is that they strike first at the first sign of trouble; And don't just have them wait around and do nothing!  
**

 **NO LEMONS, LIMES, YAOI, YURI OR INCEST PLEASE! I HATE THAT STUFF...  
**

 **Secondary objective: the following episodes can't end as they did in cannon!(especially if your doing a Crossover!) If you want to kill Wendy and have Pacifica be the rebound fine. Or you could have Wendy give Dipper a chance after saving him from ghosts...have them go on a couple dates(this can even happen off-screen if it's easier)...Wendy decides it's not going to work...and then land Pacifica on the rebound(that works too) Just do something different!(conversely, you could also just give Pacifica Tyrone and Dipper could have Wendy...just saying...everyone would be happy...)**

 **"The Inconveniencing".(it annoyed me that no one did anything with Wendy's 'stare at wall and rethink everything' statement, I'd appreciate some help there)  
**

 **Time Travelers Pig(call it semantics if you must, but I would never let a girl get hurt just to save a pig. Mabel's just going to have to suck it up and learn she can't have everything)(I'd recommend using Steven Universes 'The Answer' as a template(or it's Aesop at least)) The ending can't be cannon! Especially if your doing a crossover!(Endings where BOTH Waddles and Wendy are saved are also okay)  
**

 **Fight Fighters(none of this band-aid solution 'hate each other in silence' stuff! I want to see an aftermath! Have Wendy find out the truth and be mad at both of them if you have to! Just do something different!**

 **Little Dipper(I would prefer you just skip this episode entirely to be honest) (Or better yet, use Steven Universes 'Too short to Ride' episode as a template)(But if you do, do this episode...skip the 'twins idiotically Argue over the crystal instead of saving themselves and their home from Gideon' Scene. Have Dipper punch out Mabel and use the crystal. Or have Mabel punch out Dipper to use the crystal! Just do something different! Especially if it's Crossover! In that case have someone else punch them and use the crystal!)Considering what Dipper just sacrificed for Mable in Time travelers pig...I've always felt that Mable was more then a bit ungrateful and mean in this episode...  
**

 **Boyz Crazy(I actually have no problem with the ending here believe it or not, but I was annoyed that it was rendered somewhat meaningless since there was no aftermath(between Dipper and Wendy anyway). So...you know...go do your thing. I would recommend using Steven universes 'week of Sardonyx' Arc as a template)**

 **Into the Bunker((take a deep breath)look, you can handle the shipping however you want. But you have to have Mabel equally punished for the trouble(it is her fault they were locked in there in the first place after all). (Preferably where Wendy and Dipper are mad at Mabel and refuse to forgive her.)(their also needs to be an aftermath, Dipper having an honest, real conversation with Wendy about how he still has feelings for her and where they go from here. I'd recommend using Steven Universe episodes 'Mr Greg' or 'we need to talk' as templates)(also please just skip 'Roadside attraction' entirely, please)(if your doing a crossover, and bring someone else down there with them, you have to have them stop Mabel from locking Dipper up!  
**

 **Northwest mansion Noir:(Groan) so much wasted potential. Pacifica's parents just forgive her? Nothing comes from the shipping? Pacifica was nearly killed by Wendy's ancestor, and nothing comes from that?)(P.S. I'm aware that a lot of people have actually fixed that in their fics(for which I'm grateful), I just feel that it needs to be said)**

 **Mabel and Dipper v.s. the future(you do what you want with this...just don't make things so ridiculously one-sided and place all the blame on Dipper as it did in cannon(also, Dipper has to find out about Mabel's deal with Bill))**

 **Tertiary objective:**

 **Dipper V.S. Manliness: I always thought it weird that their was no girl(be it Wendy, pacifica, Tambry, or candy, etc) during his 'man trials'. Whether to beat him at being a 'man', laugh at his loincloth(or if he loses said loincloth, make him embarrassed), be inadvertently a crucial part of his 'trial', or just along for the ride...I just think it's a story possibility that should be explored is all... I also feel that Stan's hypocrisy for badmouthing ABBA while he himself watches 'The Duchess Approves' should be explored...as well as Dipper getting mad at Mable ridiculing him after everything he's done for her,  
**

 **Carpet Diem: It always bugged me that nobody cared about Dippers leg getting chewed off by a wolf, A woodpecker biting out his tongue, or his personal belongings getting vandalized...Don't just slap a band-aid solution 'Status-Quo' approved ending on it...make Dipper mad at Mabel for putting him through all that! Have it be a long messy fight! If you make them reconcile...they BOTH have to earn it!(especially Mable)  
**

 **Summerween: Why is it so horrible for Dipper to want to celebrate Halloween his own way? True, he shouldn't of lied, but slanting the episode to put him completely in the wrong for wanting to have fun his own way...was completely unnecessary! Pleas make this episode more balanced**

 **Dreamscape: For the most part I have no complaints about the episode, but it needs to be at least addressed that Stan only 'toughens' up Dipper while letting Mable do whatever she wants. Also, could someone PLEASE tackle Gideon when he's gloating about the Deed in front of the Pines?**

 **Soos and the real girl(I don't get why Melody should have to leave, I'd rather prefer she stayed and have a sub-plot going with Soos)**

 **Blendin's Game(I mostly had no problem with this...but it always bugged me that no one did anything with the 'young Wendy thinks Dipper is cute' storyline...some assistance here would be most appreciated)(I'd also like to see Wendy's reaction to that)  
**

 **Tale of two Stans:(I'm with my fellow fanficton writers. Their should have at least been a small rift popping up between Mabel and Dipper after Mabel trusted Stan over Dipper(Especially considering she prevented Ford from killing Bill!))**

 **Stanchurian Candidate: I feel it was rather selfish for Stan to put his pride over the safety of his family, when they reveal the mind-control to him and he gets mad, lay it on home how he's being selfish and seemingly uncaring about his family!**

 **The last MabelCorn:** **I feel it was rather selfish for Mable to put her needs over the safety of her family, you can keep the 'Unicorns are selfish jerks' revelation if you want, but also lay it on home how she's being selfish and seemingly uncaring about her family!**

 **Roadside Attraction:(Recommended by Emma Iveli) If you MUST do this episode, Mable has to give Dipper more advice then just 'move on'(seriously, it's a bit weird she didn't help him more with this considering how much she loves matchmaking and knows better then anyone else how socially awkward Dipper is) And she and Grunkle Stan need to get into a big argument over who's advice is more valid. (pointing out the hypocrisy of Mable badmouthing flirting with multiple people, when she dose the same would be funny)  
**

 **Weirdmagedon: (can't think of anything...save for wanting to see a fic. where Ford's Bill-Killing Gun actually works...and Maybe some more character development/bonding between Dipper Wendy...and possibly Pacifica)(Oh, having Wendy comfort Dipper over his 'You can't make someone fall in love, you can only be worthy of love' speech would be nice too)  
**

 **Escape from Reality: JUST BURST THE BUBBLE! Especially if it's a crossover! A 22 minute story wrapped up in 5 minutes! Mabel can just deal with it!(it would also be nice if Wendy, Pacifica, or SOMEONE comforted Dipper about not getting any Valentines, also it be nice if someone reminded Wendy and Soos that their friends and family are suffering and they need to rescue them before they go gallivanting in the bubble).  
**

 **Take Back the Falls: If your doing a crossover, you HAVE to have someone from the Crossover-verse SUCCESSFULLY stop Stan from breaking the circle. By threatening him with death or dismemberment if necessary!**

 **EX: Ford: "Him and I...Grammar Stanley"**

 **Stan is about to beat him...when he feels cold steel pressed against his back**

 **Undyne: "YOU %$ #% one foot from where you are, I'll #% &$%$ kill you!"**

 **Stan gulps nervously...but stays in his place...and the cipher is complete...**

 **NOTE: to all Wendip and Dipifica fans alike...have you considered just making a water proof Tyrone and giving him to Pacifica while Dipper has Wendy? You could literally have your cake and eat it too!**

 **ANOTHER note: crossovers with gravity Falls in this challenge are accepted and encouraged! Let your imagination run wild!(But ONLY as long as you don't have the people from said crossover-verse sitting around useless and not letting them change the plot(let the above 'stop Stan from ruining the circle' be your template for ANY other moments in Gravity falls Cannon)**

 **And one more thing...I'm well aware that this might not be some people's cup of tea...so if you want to adopt ANY of my stories...or give them to a friend/acquaintance. That's fine.**

 **This dose NOT mean I'm discontinuing my stories, I'm just trying to give you more options. I will also allow multiple adoptions, so more then one person can enjoy this!**

 **Well, that's more or less it, good hunting YAH'll!**

 **...**

 **ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! the publisher is Xlibris** ** **, also available at Inkitt, Amazon and BarnesandNoble.****


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